HIS EMINENCE SHAN'T ATTEND
for my sister, the ultimate adventure-seeker, Casey Wee-Wee...
known herein as Sissy Swashbuckle!
pages 2-3:
[Arrrr, Maties!]
I tell a tale of purest innocence, amidst all Ps and Qs,
Of old pirate lore that might, quite in fact, upset some of yous:
Its middles may be accentuated,
However, its end is sure to fascinate,
But as I’ve secured all booty and bounty, we’ve nothin’ left to lose!
pages 4-5:
THAR SHE GOES! – I did one day spy with me one good eye,
That ol' Sissy had sailed to share her adventures both far and nigh –
ONE: from across the waves,
TWO: bravely, even without aftershave,
THREE: toting split pea elixir specially made to fructify!
pages 6-7:
From that dusty, deserted island where we first did meet,
Ol’ Sissy directed her message high – not indiscreet –
With lofty opulence,
To His Holy Eminence,
Offering up plentiful talk of celebration and stinky soup to eat!
pages 8-9:
She’d closely documented each miraculous rendezvous,
Involving glistened foreigners aside their even more glistening swimming pool:
Many jewels and gems hypnotic,
Of star-born people, most myotic,
A mere preview to more stories just as radiantly astute!
pages 10-11:
The letter that returned read:
His Eminence Shan't Attend
pages 12-13:
Sissy Swashbuckle easily would not give up!
For she had also tasted of the mermaid’s cup:
A very secret recipe,
Requiring RSVP,
She quickly returned her invite with a SHWUP...SHWUP...SHWUP!
pages 14-15:
Upon additional pages Sissy taught,
About hazards with the unbridled Noofle whom she’d caught:
A monster once most brutal,
Within moments most crucial,
She'd ultimately mounted him above her own comfort spot!
pages 16-17:
She detailed a time high above Mt. Fitzel-Nitzel
Entwined with The Ballerina Empress herself layered in tensile:
Whose swift balancing toes,
Twirled upon peaks, tos-and-fros,
As fireworks lulled Sissy into dreams of plump schnitzel!
pages 18-19:
The letter that returned AGAIN read:
His Eminence Shan't Attend
pages 20-21:
And so, Sissy Swashbuckle decided to take additional action
Based upon most unanticipated reactions:
She set sail aboard her paper-made schooner,
Towards sunset solunar,
To sail as a crow to His Eminence’s own location sooner!
pages 22-23:
With many skips, leaps and jumps, Sissy did not hesitate
To clamber straight up to her mentor’s pearly gate
After all, her journeys had been clear!
Her intentions most sincere!
Of each invite, why did He negate and most unappreciate?
pages 24-25:
With an untimid TAP!...TAP!...TAP! upon The Cardinal's door,
Swashbuckle made sure to radiate herself forth.
Her travels FarEast, North, and South,
She’d orate directly to Him by word of mouth!
...Yet through porthole small, came nothing but a very light snore…
pages 26-27:
SUDDENLY! There came words from His Eminence’s store!:
‘I prefer lemon nectar – it’s green pea soup, I absolutely abhor!
Yet you are admired in stride,
So do come inside,’
Admitted His vast head of red, ‘Please, share more of your lore!’
‘Twas for this mere reason alone,
I must admit, split pea causes me to groan,
Although I said no,
I really wanted to know more
Of Swashbuckle ventures, even if uniquely overblown!’
pages 28-29:
‘Proudly sit aside me at my long, grand table.
If you must, bring your bucketed gift of stinky lentil!
To perch together high upon this tree,
Invited are your friends and I most invite thee
To forgive my blatant disregard of invites most monumental.’
And so, this is how ends me pirate tale - I must remit,
We surely did reminisce and dine amidst green confit,
With most astonishing AWES,
Oft, a many loving GUFFAW,
At Sissy Shwashbuckle's retellings over tea AND pea split!
